Why being emotionally authentic may be a healthier outlook than a positive attitude.
I think there's a lot of societal pressure put on cancer patients to "stay positive". This can be an immense burden on some people when family, friends, and society in general makes them feel obligated to put on an unjustified positive attitude.
A little backstory. By nature, I'm a very positive person. I knew from the day I was diagnosed that I was going to face my cancer with a 'positive attitude'. But in reality, cancer is not an overly positive experience. Cancer can be sad, frustrating, and sometimes it can be very cruel. I learned that my positive attitude was a powerful tool I could use to help myself but that there were clearly shortcomings in having an unrealistic upbeat facade.
So, how do we balance the benefits of having a positive attitude with the pitfalls and still be true to ourselves?
First, let's look at the benefits of having a positive attitude.
Benefits:
- Improved Emotional Well-Being: Studies have shown that a positive outlook can lead to reduced emotional distress, anxiety, and depression.
- Better Adherence to Treatment: People who feel more positive may be more motivated to follow their treatment plans, such as exercise, eating well, and resting, and avoid harmful behaviors like excessive alcohol.
- Enhanced Coping: A positive mindset may provide the determination and psychological resilience needed to tackle challenging treatments and their side effects.
- Improved Communication & Support: Being in a better emotional state can foster improved relationships between patients, their caregivers, and their medical teams.
Pitfalls:
- No Direct Impact on Survival: The overwhelming weight of scientific evidence does not support the claim that a positive attitude directly impacts tumor growth, cancer recurrence, or overall survival rates.
- Social Burden & Pressure: Some survivors express concerns that they feel burdened or judged if they're not upbeat. This is sometimes referred to as "Toxic Positivity".
- Suppressed Emotions: Putting on an unrealistic positive facade can invalidate real suffering and suppress needed emotional expression. It can also cause shame or guilt for having normal emotions like sadness, fear, or grief.
- Discourages Asking for Help: To maintain positivity, some people may avoid asking for help with issues that deserve support or treatment.
- Oversimplification: Reality can be quite complex. Staying upbeat is not a one-size-fits-all trait and may not fit everyone's personality or background.
I believe the key is to be emotionally authentic with ourselves. We need to recognize the power of positive thinking but also see that it's not a moral requirement that we have to be positive all of the time. We need to be true to ourselves and give ourselves an equal opportunity to process the many negative aspects of our cancer experience, too.
